The Beat of His Heart

Sitting here, sipping coffee in a hippy little coffee shop in Fort Worth, Texas, I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that just over a week ago, I was in Africa. I cannot put this feeling into words, except to say that it is surreal. Classes have begun, life has recommenced, and I am left in Africa's wake, dreaming of the hot sun on my shoulders, dirt on my face, and the sweaty little fingers of a hundred orphans in my hands. Real life doesn't feel real anymore. It's just what I do in the meantime.

I know I spoke before of a more comprehensive breakdown of my trip, but honestly in the last week I have talked so much about the logistics of where I went, what I did, and what I learned, I really just want to talk about who it's made me become. I hope, for those of you following me, that this is alright with you. My heart, I feel, is literally exploding at the seams, and I think to contain it any longer would be unwise. So, I offer, unfiltered, my thoughts and passions entering this new year. 

Some recurring mottos of mine this past week in talking to people about what God has been doing in my life are: "God is awesome. He brings things full circle. Soli deo gloria. To Him alone be the glory." I think to express my heart, I will simply follow the outline of these mantras. 

God is awesome. As redundant as this sentence sounds, please bear with me as I expound upon this fundamental truth. Our God is awesome. Let me define awesome for you. Awesome is not the cool tricks my brother can do with a yoyo. It is not the feeling I get when I drive 100 miles an hour on the country roads at home. Its not any person I can think of, any achievement I could name, or anything I could imagine in and of myself. When I typed "awesome" into my web browser, this is what google came up with: "1. extremely impressive or daunting; inspiring great admiration, apprehension, or fear. 2. extremely good; excellent." The only entity I can think of that fits those qualifications is my God.

I can't even begin to describe how my heart leaps in my chest, when I think of those qualities of God that pull my heart to praise Him with such a weighty word. He is more than impressive. He is daunting. He does inspire my admiration, apprehension, and fear. He is extremely holy, eternally good, and incomparably excellent. "Our God is an awesome God; He reigns from heaven above, with wisdom, power, and love. Our God is an awesome God."

God brings things full circle. I know everyone has heard the phrase at some point, "God works all things for the good of those that love Him." I think, however, that a lot of times when we say that, we don't actually believe it. Or if we do, we don't really think that the good that will come will be even better than the good that we can imagine. Not true. Our God, who turned the worst of sinners and Christian persecutors, Saul, into arguably one of the most profound apostles in the new testament, Paul, is the same God working in our lives today. He still sanctifies, He still opens blind eyes, He still moves mountains. I have seen His glory, and humbled lie on my face before Him, begging Him to spare me, for I am an unclean sinner.

God brings all things full circle. I think some of you who have heard my testimony will know what story I am referring to when I expound upon this, but not a single day goes by that I am not caught breathless at the mercy and grace my Savior has shown me in the last two years. God brings all things full circle. He does not leave His story with loose ends. (And if He does, chances are, the story is not yet over.) He works all things for the good of those who love Him. 

Such is the story of two girls whose friendship turned sour after sin and idols crept in, where before their God was the glue that brought them together. God works all things for good, even when, heartbroken and torn apart, these girls thought their sin was too great, their friendship irreparable, their testimony, tarnished for life. In May of 2010, I said goodbye to the closest friend that I had ever known. I hoped and prayed that God could restore what our sin-blackened hearts had destroyed, but like Abraham, God asked me to lay my friend upon his altar and let go. Like Moses, I had to place her friendship in a basket and turn her lose to God upon the Nile. I never thought I'd see my friend again. 

Two years later, I look back and see that pain, the endless silence that He held between us, and know exactly why it was necessary for our further sanctification in Him. I never thought He could bring good out of something so terribly bad. But, I'm glad to say I was mistaken. Not only has God restored my heart, torn down the wall of silence, and restored our friendship a thousandfold. He has taught me immeasurable humility, grace, patience, and trust in the process. Without this trial, I cannot say that I would be the person that I am today. It feels strange to say, but I would not change any of that heartache, because I can see through it that I have grown. In faith, in hope, and in love. But mostly love. 

So you are wondering I am sure, at this point, what any of this has to do with Africa. Soli Deo gloria. To God alone be the glory, my last point. I have realized, through my work in Africa, my life here on campus at TCU, my involvement with CRU and my church, going on a Summer Project in Ocean City, going to Joplin, going to Belize, and reading the Word that none of these things in and of themselves has brought me any closer to Christ. They have not sanctified me. They have shaped me, they have molded me, but they have not made me any more righteous.

That is the fingerprint of God in my life.

Reveling in the work of Christ in my life has made me who I am. Allowing him to use the people, the places, and the experiences I've had in the last (eventful!) year, has made me who I am. And that is something I would not change for the world. He could have done all of these things here, at home, but He didn't. He opened my eyes literally and spiritually, to the work of His kingdom. He awakened my soul to the beat of His heart. And let me tell you, it is a glorious beat, an exhilarating beat, a crazy life-changing beat. And the best part is is that the song is not yet over.

I hope, forevermore, to dance to this beat. Be it in Belize, Maryland, Africa, Oman, or a quiet little hippy coffee shop in Fort Worth, Texas. I want my soul to sing His praise, exude His glory, and point the world to do the same. It's a divine dance. I would ask you to join me, if you dare. I cannot say it will always be easy. It will not always be fun, but it will be worth it; I can promise you that!

Soli Deo gloria.

Will you dance?