Going into this summer, as with every phase of my life, I thought I had a plan. I thought I had each little section of my life partitioned off the way I supposed it would be best delegated. I would go to Belize and then I would serve at an internship in Georgia until school started up again in the fall. Worst case scenario I would be choosing plan B, which was to work as a camp leader at Centrifuge or one of the other numerous youth camps with which I applied. Little did I realize that little voice in the back of my brain was growing my heart into a much different direction, a direction of trust, of faith, and of blind leaping into a wild unknown.
Ok, so Ocean City, Maryland isn't nearly as drastic a difference as I might have made it sound, but the thing is- it wasn't in my plan. It didn't fit into my nicely molded structure of how I planned to live my life. Don't get me wrong; I'm ecstatic to be able to move halfway across the country and meet other like-minded young believers who are seeking to grow in their relationship with God. To boil it down plain and simple, it's a control thing. I'm an admitted control freak, and when things don't go my way, it makes me uneasy at best. Needless to say, when I found out all my other options for the summer were falling like sand between my fingers, I felt helpless, powerless to my own fate.
And yet, it seems at these moments, when we are at our lowest low, the end of our rope, or the dead end of our own desires, that is when God most miraculously and knowingly steps in, taking charge of our tangled messes, giving order where we created chaos, and revealing, where blinded before we chased after the shifting shadows of this world, His perfect plan. Maybe Georgia would have been great. I'm sure I would have grown substantially in the Lord. With Centrifuge as well, I'm sure I would have been perfectly content witnessing to kids and pouring on them all the love and energy I could muster. The point is- I'll be in Maryland instead, and that, in and of itself, is infinitely better than any other plan I could have formulated.
You see, Maryland, by logic's standards, never should have happened. The deadline was closed and applications were already turned in to be processed. But when all other doors were shut, I found myself asking, "So, what now God?" Forced to rely on Him, I called my CRU director and asked if there was any way I could still sign up for any of the Summer Projects they had been talking about for the past 4 months. (I had been ignoring the announcements, because I thought I already had a plan.) So, Lance, the director, made a few phone call and gave me my options: East Coast or more East Coast. So I chose Maryland, on a whim, turned in my application, and trusted God to take care of the rest.
A week out from packing my bags to move across the continent, I catch myself getting anxious about the outcome of my adventure. I will know no one. I will have no car. I am taking only what airlines allow in luggage space for ten weeks (ten weeks!), living in an apartment with at least 4 other roommates, and basically just jumping in blind on what I will actually be doing when I arrive there. It's intimidating.
But at the same time, I have a kind of peace about it. God's got my back and I know He wouldn't send me anywhere I couldn't make friends, serve Him, and grow in my walk with Him. With great faith comes great faithfulness. And, that, I know God is faithful.
Continue checking out the blog. I'm going to try to post daily, even if some of the entries are short, so that you all can know there will always be something new to read about some new great way God is revealing Himself, providing comfort, showing me areas of growth, or calling me to act. This is the place where the journey begins, the first of a thousand beautiful steps as I tread with beautiful feet to spread the gospel and carry Christ's commission.
"And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!'" Romans 10:15
