A Glimpse of Transformation

I stumbled across a post from an old blog I began 4 years ago as a freshman just beginning at TCU. As I was rereading it, my soul was encouraged by the fact that so many of my prayers and hopes have been answered, that God is transforming me, and that He is still renewing me everyday. It was neat to look back into the willingness I expressed so many years ago and where the Lord has led me and grown me.

If I Perish, I Perish!

August 10, 2010

So what would my life look like if I unashamedly, without abandon, recklessly, and perhaps foolishly, put my life into the hands of this God of whom I say I serve? What does complete surrender look like, how does it taste; how does it feel; how is it even possible? Most importantly, where does it begin?

"Behold, now is the favorable time; behold now is the day of salvation." (2 Corinthians 6: 2b ESV)

These are the questions I find myself asking right now. Right now, as I enter college as an 18 year old individual experiencing freedom for the first time. Right now, as I explore the endless possibilities this world has to offer in academia, society, humanity, and spirituality. Right now, as I find myself overwhelmed by a growing sense of urgency, an urgency that tells me all these things are great, but there is something better. Something bigger.

God.

I can feel within the fibers of my soul an itching that I have never felt before, a desire to know God and to be known by Him, to serve God and to sacrifice for Him. I want to give Him my all; I want to fall into the depth of His mercy, power, grace, and love. But how?

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12: 1-2 ESV)

This is a question that I am learning can't be answered in a day. It takes a lifetime. A lifetime of prayer, of sanctification, of praise, of surrender, of repentance, of fellowship, of seeking God. A lifetime I have, but a lifetime, I also, have not.

A lifetime starts today, this hour, this minute, this second. But a lifetime does not last forever... Time makes no promises. How much time do I have to learn? I will never know. This I do know: I don't want to wait until tomorrow. I don't want to waste one single precious second of the valuable gift of life that God has given me to glorify Him.

In my Bible reading today, I came across the story of Ester and was struck by one phrase which she says when confronted with the fact that she might die in her attempt to save her people from the angry edict of Haman. "I will go to the king, though it is against the law, and if I perish, I perish." (Esther 4:16b ESV) As simple as that: If I perish, I perish. I find myself wondering, could I say the same? Could I stand up for the children of God, against an enemy, against my family, against the government, against the world, and have the courage, the conviction, the faith to say: So what? Would I trust God that no matter the outcome, even in my death, He would be glorified, His will would be done? Would I die knowing that I had stood to the end for what I believed was right? Would I die for the justice of MY GOD?

I am humbled and dare not answer this simple rhetoric. The Bible is truly is the ultimate mirror of our souls. "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks intently into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing." (James 1: 22-25 ESV)

Today, I might not be able to answer the global question of who I am in this world puzzle, how I fit, and what I am meant to do. But today, I am choosing to embark on that journey, to begin to discover what this life has in store, for better or for worse, whatever God's will. I do not know how the end will come or how God will use me for His glory, but when I reach the gates of heaven, I hope that the King of Kings will hold his scepter out to me, sparing my life, and say, "It shall be given to you, even to the half of my kingdom."

May God be my inheritance and my hope, my sanctification and salvation, my praise and my perfecter, my history and my future, the answer to all my needs.

"And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3: 15-17 ESV)

My prayer is that, in all I do, God, You will delight in me. And if I perish, I perish! But through you I will live! Amen.