The Toothpaste Gospel

I see tiny dirty fingers grabbing at my skirt. Little voices raised angrily as the children around me push and shove their way to the front of the line. "Me, me!" they shout and reach for the flimsy little toothbrushes I am handing out. Toothbrushes. There is toothpaste further down the line, which I later see the kids squirting into their mouths like candy. Something in my heart doesn't feel right as I give them these things after so little time getting to know them. They want what I can give them so badly, and overlook the simplest and best thing I have to offer: love.

On the bus ride home, my heart is torn between anger and frustration as I think about their little grabby hands. I wonder how they could be so greedy that they cared more about the gifts than the giver. We came in planning to do crafts with them, love them, tell them about Jesus, and hold them in our arms. We wanted to show them the reason we love, because He first loved us.

Instead we ended up watching them perform for us for over an hour before being asked by the pastor to hand out the goodies we had come bearing. Chaos ensued and I wondered just how effective our materialism gospel really was. The kids got their toothbrushes, which would last them a couple of months at best. They got their toothpaste, which was lucky to even make it home for its proper use. But what else did they go home with? A better picture of the philanthropic mindset that white people with nice clothes have lots of money and like to give things away?

Maybe. I hope and pray they saw a small glimpse of the love and light we tried so desperately to reflect, but with only a few hours of organized chaos, I couldn't help but wonder on the bus ride home: is this stop and drop gospel really even the gospel at all?

Don't get me wrong- this trip has been one of the best experiences of my life so far. I can give you twice as many awesome stories about how God is using this trip exponentially to grow my spiritual worldview and do amazing works in these orphans lives as well, but I think every now and then a little team analysis is healthy and necessary.

Sitting on the bus, trying not to be sour about how unsuccessful I had labeled the day in my brain, God tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to look at the situation from His eyes.

"I see tiny dirty fingers grabbing at my throne. Little voices raised angrily in prayer, pushing and shoving and complaining as they scream, "Me, me, me!" They grab and reach for the temporal blessings I can give. They ask for prosperity and good health and then turn around and squander their blessings on idols. Something in my heart doesn't feel right giving them these things, knowing that they barely even know me. They want what I can give them so badly, and overlook the simplest and best thing I have to offer: my love."

Looking in the mirror of my Savior's broken heart, I can't help but become convicted. I am just like those children. I want the gifts and not the love of the giver. I am so consumed with what I think God's best for me should be, that I forget that He is standing right in front of me waiting for me to crawl into his lap and let Him love me. I forget to let Him show me what His best really is. I break His heart swallowing the toothpaste He gives me and grab with grubby fingers at the temporal blessings in this life that pass away.

God, thank you for convicting me of the ways I fall short of your glorious plan. Help me always to seek You and your love above all else. Thank You for showing me my own weakness. Help me to desire You more and more and help me to find my joy in your love only. Amen.

"Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright." Proverbs 20:11