Captive to Christ

Alright, so I definitely fail at consistent blogging. So much has happened I don't even know where to begin. I got a job at Aeropostale, but I can hardly call it a job. I've worked once since they hired me and am  not on the schedule to work again until next Tuesday. So basically my job, still, is to get a job.

As for outreach, let me just say that I think that I have grown so much more than ever before in the way I view and execute evangelism. God has taught me so much and planted in me a desire to sow His seeds more than ever before. There have been so many instances out on the boardwalk sharing with people that we meet, that I just feel the Spirit speaking through me. It truly is amazing how little it has to do with me- it all comes from God!

One thing last week that really floored me was just the power of prayer and the love that God showers on us if we simply ask Him to overflow in our hearts. For our community event last Saturday the group went over to Assateague for worship and s'mores on the beach. Sitting there surrounded by all of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I was just overwhelmed at the love and mercy God has shown me through these people. We're all humans, and living together you definitely get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly, but living in a Christ-centered manner, with a Christ-centered focus, on a Christ-centered trip really puts things in perspective. It makes living with 30 other people tolerable. More than that, it teaches you how to love like Christ, with joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. Sitting around the fire that night, I was overcome with a sense of unworthiness. I didn't deserve to be here. I didn't deserve these people's love and respect. I just felt unworthy and lost.

Let me rewind a little. Before coming on project, I felt very much that I was slipping into a "going through the motions" mindset. Don't get me wrong- I wanted to pursue Christ, and was trying to the best of my ability to do so in most ways. But it was stale, stagnant, self-centered pursuit. I didn't "feel" it, so to speak. The best way that I could phrase it when talking to my disciple leader, Jenna, was that I'd lost my passion. God, in my mind had become some demanding judge, an impartial joy-stealing cosmic ruler. Don't get me wrong, in many ways that kind of view of our heavenly King is humbling and necessary. We need a healthy fear of the Lord. The thing is: He is also a loving, personal, Father, and Groom. He cares about my heart and isn't here to steal my joy or my dreams. He's here to make them come true- namely through the pursuit of Himself.

Here's where the story picks back up. That night at Assateague I prayed that God would heal my aching heart, give me back the passion I had lost, and fill me with His joy. I prayed that He would fill my cup to overflowing. I prayed that He would drown me in His overwhelming joy. I didn't need my circumstance to change, and I didn't want a new life- just a new heart, a new joy, a new love for Him.

And that's what I got.

The next two days were legitimately the most joy-filled, spirit-filled, wonderful days I've had in a very long time. And the funny thing is: I got exactly what I prayed for: I still didn't have a job, people around me didn't change. The only thing that changed was me, my outlook, and my heart. God made me into a dreamer again- and that's something I haven't been in a very long time.

Praise be to God, who, when we allow our every thought to be taken captive by His love, fills us up more than we could ever withstand and pours us out into the thirsty hearts of a broken world so that He and He alone gets all the glory!